


I Saw you in the Water

by Katowisp



Series: Fairytales and Other Forms of Suicide [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Coda, Gen, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Steve Rogers Angst, Steve Rogers Feels, The Avengers Need a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 09:09:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17722301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katowisp/pseuds/Katowisp
Summary: Coda to Fairytales and other Forms of Suicide. Or: where the two timelines meet. Steve remembers a life he never lived.You could read the whole past arc, if you're interested. It's been a while since I wrote. I'm getting back into it. Wish me luck.





	I Saw you in the Water

_Pretend that you owe me nothing_  
And all the world is green  
We can bring back the old days again  
When all the world is green  
Tom Waits, All the World is Green

Thanos’ fist crashed into his head, and there was pain, and Loki.

Steve remembered a life he had never lived. A life where he had been bones in the depths of hell, and Bucky had died, and he had never met Sam, and he was alone. 

Except for Loki. They had lived an entire life together. They were still living it. The Avengers had fought the end of the world together, and they had won. He had lost Loki, and Loki had come home to him. 

They loved.

He had lost. Thanos had killed him. They had lost the universe. They had lost everything. 

He was tired of his head hurting. 

He was tired of his heart hurting.

He stood in a verdant field, and two figures sat with bare feet in the sparkling blue waters of a sparkling stream. As he grew closer, he recognized Loki—an enemy and yet—

A brunette with wavy locks falling around her face smiled at him. “Captain Steve Rogers.” Her eyes crinkled, and there were memories Steve had forgotten. He felt a sense of vertigo as a life he hadn’t lived washed over him. 

“I’m afraid I’m at a disadvantage, ma’am.” Steve stumbled towards them. Loki looked at him with a familiarity that surpassed their skirmishes, all those years ago. The smile that touched his lips lacked the scorn Steve remembered. He felt awkward in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

“I am Loki’s mother, Frigga. Join us.” She patted the ground beside her. Steve went to kick off his shoes, only to find they were already gone. The grass was soft beneath his feet. He wasn’t in his uniform, but in the torn khaki pants from before he had joined the Army. When he hesitated, she smiled. “I won’t bite. Besides, you are already dead.”

He sat beside her and dipped his feet into the cool waters. He remembered a life he hadn’t lived, where he had swam the river Jordan, and the Howling Commandos had been beside him. He had swam another river, this one black and inky, and full of death, and his friends had saved him then, too. 

The waters were cool. The sun was low in the west, and the chirping of summer cicadas erupted in the fields around them. There was a peace that Steve hadn’t felt—maybe ever—in this life. But he had, in another one. 

“You are in Valhalla,” Frigga offered, after a while. “And we are dead.” 

“We were saving the world.”

“You were saving the universe. Thanos is the serpent.”

“I don’t know what that means.” But he did. He had stood on a distant spit of land on the North Sea, and faced a serpent with a maw of endless teeth, and it had whispered lies to him. 

The smile Frigga gave him indicated she knew that he knew. He rested his head in his hands. Time fractured around him, and he felt like he was splitting apart. Loki moved closer to him. 

“We aren’t enemies.” 

“We are lovers.” Loki whispered against his neck. 

“I haven’t seen you since New York.” 

“You woke up in my bed.” 

“You’re a liar.”

Loki laughed. “It was your bed.” 

When Steve looked up, Loki was gone, and Frigga was giving him a pained look. “He’s a survivor,” she said by way of explanation. “So are you. Save the world, once more. With feeling.”

Steve stood up from the blow, his head reeling. Everything was wrong. There was a silence over the forest that was totally unnatural, and he stumbled the woods. Bucky had been there a moment ago, and he should be there now. 

Loki should be there.

Piles of ash were strewn about, in places his allies had been before. 

He was alone. 

“What happened?” 

“Thanos won.” A baritone voice, one Steve hadn’t heard in a long time, answered. Thor stood beside him. 

“Loki.”  
Thor gave him an odd look. “He’s dead.”

“Are you sure?” Steve remembered two lives now, one he had lived, and one he hadn’t. 

“I saw him die.”

“Are you sure?” Steve repeated, louder than before. He had seen him in Valhalla, but only briefly. He wondered if he had seen him at all. Anger flashed over Thor’s face, but he steadied it. It was a reminder of the man he had been, but was not anymore. That Thor was all thunder, but none of the calm of the storm. Now, he was both. 

“I know what I saw. He could not escape his fate this time.”

“I met them.” Steve whispered. He caught the look Thor shot him. The demigod’s face softened.

“You were handed a heavy blow. Let’s go to the city.” He nodded towards Birnin Zana. “Perhaps we can find healers.”

“Bucky, Sam—“ Steve began, brokenly, helplessly. He knew the answer. He had lost both his worlds. He had lost everything. 

“They are gone.”

“Vision?”

“Gone.”

“T’challa?”

“They are all gone.”

“What’s left?”

“We are.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little coda, that syncs up the two timelines. I'm sorry, I don't have my beta. I hope you like it, all the same.


End file.
